Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
