Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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