I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
