Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
