this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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