my vag is so smooth its legendary
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
