honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
