Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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