Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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