i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm way too hungover for life right now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
