I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
