Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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