I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my shit smells like andre
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
