Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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