Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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