my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
