i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
