bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
