My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
