I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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