Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
