I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
