Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
