what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
