youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
