the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sober January is a disaster.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
