as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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