I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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