Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
