She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
