So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ladies don't puke and tell
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
