I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
