I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
