It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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