i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
