I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
