She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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