So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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