Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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