Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
