Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I believe in your delicious
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
