chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
