Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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