I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
