xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
