I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
