Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
