you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
