I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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