i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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